Posted by: faultlessfinish | November 5, 2012

Is This A Group Decision?

“A wise man makes his own decisions; an ignorant man follows public opinion.” – Chinese Proverb

I love the show Sex and the City and I’m not ashamed to admit it. To the men reading this, hear me out. I have a point. In particular, I love the scenes where the women are having brunch and hashing out their latest problems. I tend to be a problem-hasher-outer.

When faced with a big decision, I generally turn to my family, close friends, colleagues, randoms on the street – you name it. Getting as many opinions as possible can only be a good thing, a helpful thing, right?

Not necessarily. I’m now in problem-hasher-outer therapy, so to speak.

If you feel the need to get as many opinions as possible before making a big change, it’s important to analyze your motivations. Are you seeking validation? Do you feel you don’t know your own self and what’s best for you?

I’m not disputing the fact that friends and family can be a great help when faced with a tough choice, but a friend of mine raised a great point the other night: once you have too many outside voices in your head, it can be tough to identify your own.

Only you have to live your life. You have to be okay with the decisions you’re making. I’ve had the greatest moments of clarity when I ask myself, “If no one else’s opinion mattered, truly, then what would I do?” The answer usually screams out pretty loud and clear.

So before making a major decision, take the time to quietly listen to your own opinion before asking for others’ input. Respect your ability to make smart choices for your life.

Song of the Week: “Bloom” – The Paper Kites

Namaste :)



  1. Rather than listening only to your own counsel, better I think to find a few friends/family members whose opinions and advice you respect – those who really have your best interests at heart – and consult only them, really listening to what they have to say or suggest, and weigh all those possibilities, so you can then make an informed decision and come to a final conclusion that really works best for you. Just be selective in the number of voices you allow into your head.

    • Yes, I do think that getting a few respected opinions can be helpful in many circumstances. Thanks for reading Sue!

  2. The voice you hear when you look in the mirror is the one that will be true
    That voice alone will come from your heart and will say whats best for you.

  3. When you ask others for opinions, always remember to question what is their own interest in that advice. For example, if you were to ask someone’s advice regarding a place to live, ask yourself if they live there? That fact combined with their feelings towards you will effect their answer.

    When you receive advice that is not tainted with someone’s own interest, view it accordingly. Otherwise, remember that you and you alone have the privilege of living with each of your decisions.

    • Great feedback – thanks Ivan! It’s true – you need to carefully consider the source of the advice and what that source’s life looks like.

  4. I’ve often felt that advice is more about validation. If the question is specific. “What route is best from A -B given the weather conditions might elicit a reasonably objective answer. Should I go out with A or B, is full of subjective noise and can be more dangerous to listen to than not. Thats my penny worth anyway, and should not be construed as advice under any circumstances

    • I very much agree 🙂 Thanks for reading!

  5. I never got into Sex & The City. Couldn’t relate at all. But chatting with girl friends would be great… yet to me would have its limits… I might be a man!!

    • Yes, it definitely has its limits! Thanks for reading 🙂

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