I spent the past weekend in Canmore, one of my favourite places on earth. While the mountains are my sanctuary, the place where I get back to basics, settle my mind, and revel in peacefulness, they helped fuel something a bit different for me this time: rage.

Granted, that might sound a bit funny to those who know me. I generally don’t show anger, let alone rage. This weekend though, I ran my first 10-kilometre race and needed some fuel. I’ve been running for a few years now – I’ve done 5k races and a half-marathon, but this was my first 10k, and let me tell you, running in the mountains isn’t exactly comparable to running in flat Calgary.

Knowing this, it was my intention to train furiously for this race. I wanted to run it fast and push personal limits. Then bad weather and a few busy work weeks cramped my training, and I started to get angry with myself.

As soon as I got to my mountains though, anger was replaced by a lightness and excitement. I started the race feeling relaxed and calm, and I enjoyed my surroundings as they passed and let the mountains take effect. Then gradually, with lungs filled with fresh air, I started to push a little harder, and a little harder, and I could feel determination bubbling. The beautiful surroundings inspired me to go just a little faster, and a little faster.

At the 7k mark, I hit the wall, and the voice in my head said, “It’s OK, there are lots of hills at the end. Just walk for a bit and save up your strength.”

And that’s when the rage hit. I shouted a few profanities at the timid voice in my head, found the angriest heavy metal song on my iPod, and channelled all of my energy into pushing forward. And when I crossed the finish line, I smiled and said a silent thank-you to the mountains for helping me find balance, a place where I could feel powerful.

Anger isn’t necessarily always a bad thing. Have you ever been spurred on by anger with a positive result? How do you strike a balance between good and bad anger?

Song of the week: “You On the Run” – The Black Angels (one of my favourite run songs, though not the angriest – that honour goes to The Smashing Pumpkins)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BSD5e8s7RaI

Namaste

Rachel

I’ve always loved the “idea” of being a writer, an artist, painting with words, but what of the science? Sounds, syllables in symbiosis.
I love the idea of perfecting the craft, but what of the real work,
the truth behind the romance, the “starving writer”?

All you writers, do you require a push, the rush of deadline, readership?
Promise of riches?
Is poetry your calling, non-fiction, or do you want to create characters,
fiction out of thin air?
Do you work to uncover, archaeologist style, the story beneath the dream? I have no aching urge to tell a story.
Rather, to sort life out on the page, piece by piece.

I’m a musician, understand patience, frustration in practice.
Symphonies are not spontaneous, flowing from desire alone.
Note by tedious note,
the effect appearing . . . effortless.

Late-night smoky-bar writing sessions. Or
home, dirty coffee mug, lazy pants. Or
tea on 4th street. The art is not in the atmosphere but in the science of the words,

alone.

All you writers – is writing an art or a science for you? I would love to hear your thoughts.

Song of the week: “It Is Not Meant To Be” – Tame Impala (Perfect summer weekend song)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bUq3oc0lYbw

Namaste

Rachel

“Between”

On the precipice, but living
a quiet moment in between
The waiting is life, the little moments
Apple tea, people
watching
Nowhere to be in the here
And now
Nothing to be, no expectations
Just me.
And my pen and paper.
Phone sits silent . . .
Resist temptation to
Mindlessly scroll, kill
Time, the little moments in between
Listen to music on the teahouse speakers
As my mind reels, but content
Not tense
Not waiting, but living in the quiet moment
In between.

Live between,
don’t wait between.

Song of the week: “Too Hard” – Kurt Vile (No video for this song yet, but it’s worth the $1.29 on iTunes!)

Namaste

Rachel

At the age of fourteen, I decided to enter a songwriting competition. My dad volunteered to put music to my lyrics and vocals and record it for me (he still has a wealth of equipment from his rock star days!). Although my mom still gushes about how good the song was, I cringe when I hear it. Needless to say it didn’t win any Grammys. But hey, it was a fun experience and one I’ll always remember.

And last Friday, I had the opportunity to revisit this dream. A friend of mine, a talented hip hop artist, asked me a while back if I sang. “Well, my shower head thinks I’m excellent. So does my cat. And I sure do love it. But I don’t think I’m very good.”

Despite my protestations, a few months later I found myself in front of a mic in a recording booth, singing a chorus in between rapped verses. The exhilaration! The nerves! Oh the nerves. I was totally unprepared, but hey, I thought, what an opportunity to practice what you preach and get out of your comfort zone. 

By the end of the two-hour session, I had a whole new appreciation for producers and artists. Seeing the production process firsthand was nothing short of inspiring, and it opened Pandora’s Box. I want to get back to my childhood dream and write and record some original material. I no longer aspire to sing in front of huge, adoring crowds, but I do feel a hunger to feed my musical muse. I’m so grateful for the experience.

Is there a childhood dream that you’ve dismissed? What would it take to revisit it?

Songs of the week:

“Rock & Roll Queen” – The Subways

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lLZvJ_rtZO8

“Sweet Sour” – Band of Skulls’

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yyjYkfxLfug

Namaste

Rachel

This past weekend I had the chance to do just that. I’ve been thinking about a particular situation for a while, yet nothing external about it has changed. And on the road, as the wheels rumbled, the reality became clear: whether I feel good or bad, happy or sad about it on any given day depends almost exclusively on my thoughts.

It is what it is, right now, today. Can you choose to accept this moment for what it is?

“Dirty Windows”

Dirty windows to see the world through

Desolate trees in view, desperate for spring

I sit in silence, in thought.

The floor rumbles as wheels turn and

Yellow lines speed past

In contrast to my still reflection

A heaviness at the hopelessness

But spring is on the way

And I realize, it’s all within:

The spring, the winter

It’s all within.

The sun peeks through my dirty mind.

Clearing my eyes, through which I see the world.

Song of the week:

“Drone (in G# Major) – The Black Angels

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ijvbjshJ50w

Namaste

Rachel

Could be the official arrival of spring, or maybe the full moon – for whatever reason, last week I felt as if I had ants in my pants (and yes, I was ready to dance). Bad jokes aside, I was bursting with energy, both excited and anxious. Even irritable, despite the warm weather.

Despite all the pleasant images that spring evokes, it can also be a time of pressure – pressure to get things done before summer vacations, to get back in shape and start new projects after a dormant winter, to start fresh and make big changes. It can bring about bursts of energy that can inspire but also overwhelm.

I’ve found that to alleviate this pressure and take back control of my life, I need to get out and exercise more to release this extra energy and then do the opposite and take extra time to find calm through meditation and yoga. I need to write more, to make sure that any inspiration floating around in my head finds a grounded place. And I also need to constantly remind myself to stay present. When the weather turns and all I want is to be outside, I find it much easier to daydream and not take action.

Does the changing season affect you? In what ways and how do you make the transition?

Wishing you all a beautiful spring!

“Feverish Spring”

Early morning walking by the light of the moon

Streets are empty, I’m awake

Wonder why

Driven by an absence

Starbucks is empty: one grande Americano

And I’m out the door. Nothing else is open

So I think of sleep, comfort, return home

But the early spring air has woken my senses.

I sit by the light of the moon

See a tree,

Its black limbs silhouetted against a purple sky

Spring has arrived, bringing warmth, and joy

And anxiousness

A desire to burst at the seams, but ripped clothes aren’t useful

The energy needs an outlet, purposeful

Graceful

Driven by something tangible.

One day at a time, reborn.

Songs of the week:

“Left and Leaving” – The Weakerthans

“Taro” – Alt-J

Namaste

Rachel

Last week I wrote about my love affair with music, which began at a young age. But then I got to thinking about which came first: my love of music or my love of books? Some of my earliest memories are of my parents reading to me. I’ve been a word nerd for as long as I can remember.

One childhood memory that stands out to this day is from kindergarten. The teacher gave us fifteen minutes of free time (I guess so we could take a break from all the rigours of kindergarten?) and my classmates hurried to the play area. I spent the time with the teacher, learning how to read. Each new word was a thrill to comprehend.

As a teenager, I was perfectly content to spend a weekend night in my room with a good book. I grew up in a house where words, stories, and language use were valued. And so when I received the WordPress prompt What was your favourite book as a child? Did it influence the person you are now? I knew I had to devote some time to this topic.

To this day, my favourite series is the Chronicles of Narnia by C.S. Lewis. It was my introduction to the world of fantasy and adventure, and I listened eagerly as my mom read it to me each night before bed. When I read it myself as a teenager, I was surprised to find a whole other level of themes I hadn’t picked up on as a child. Today, I have a great respect for authors who can write stories that appeal to both children and adults on different levels.

One of my closest friends recently had a daughter, and I decided that for every birthday, I would buy her a book. Given my career, I thought it fitting. I jokingly said to my friend, “I’ll bet your daughter will think of me as crazy aunt Rachel, the one who always gives her those old-fashioned things instead of the latest reading gadgets.”

While I will always be an avid supporter of print books, in the end, the reading’s the thing, regardless of the medium. Growing up listening to and reading stories greatly shaped the person I am today. I cherish the craft of writing and a well-told story. And ultimately, it determined my career path.

What was your favourite story growing up? Do you enjoy reading today? Print or online? I’d love to hear your thoughts.

Namaste

Rachel

“I Gave My Heart to Neil Young”

Music. A chord. What is its power?

Where is this emotion

Coming from Within?

It’s a swelling up through the bloodstream, into the Heart

Erupts raw, jagged. Tears or a smile or a release. Beat.

A chord. A key. A note. A sound, different to every ear that succumbs.

A four-year-old dancing to Steve Earle’s “Copperhead Road” in the living room

Her parents smile on. Happy she is getting an education.

An introduction to the lifestyle,

the passion.

Neil Young on road trips in the backseat. In awe. The Stones.

Alice Cooper. Don Henley.

Even Def Leppard.

Intro to Music 101. Advanced Music Studies 405.

She handed over her heart

at a young age.

Unashamed. She is ruined.

All other lovers pale in comparison.

Where are you Neil Young?

Songs of the week:

“Whatever Happened to My Rock N’ Roll” – Black Rebel Motorcycle Club

“Copperhead Road” – Steve Earle

Namaste

Rachel

Maybe it was the sunshine, the feeling that spring was in the air, or the people around me this past weekend that brought the giddiness on, but as I write this, my cheeks hurt from laughing, and I want to pass the feeling on.

Sometimes when life takes over and things become “serious,” I forget how much I love to laugh. And when I say laugh, I mean those belly laughs that just take over and bring you into a moment, no matter how brief, of intense joy.

The great thing about laughter is that even on a bad day, you can trick yourself into it. I once attended a yoga class that ended with a session of laughing yoga. We all lay down with our heads in a circle and were told to just start laughing. I felt ridiculous at first – fake laughing? How awkward. But after a few moments, I found myself genuinely cracking up. Soon, the entire class was in hysterics, seemingly over nothing. The positive energy was tangible, and I left all smiles.

When’s the last time you got in touch with your silly self? Find a way to share a giggle or two this week. Your overworked mind will thank you.

“Joy Unmasked”

Brown eyes closed, nose crinkled,

A single tear

Joyful

Slips

Down a rosy cheek.

It is unnoticed in the commotion.

Abs contract, beg for release,

the pleas are ignored.

Uninhibited, free

for the sharing.

Unbridled.

A moment of honesty, truth

in a bitter world.”

Song of the week: “Sprawl II” – Hey Ocean! (Arcade Fire cover)

Namaste

Rachel

My post is late this week and I have many excuses.

I usually write a draft on Fridays, but last week I was out of town visiting friends. While on the most-enjoyable twelve-hour bus ride home (ugh), I tried brainstorming ideas but just couldn’t focus. Crowded, smelly buses and no sleep will do that to your concentration and creativity. Once back home, as my Sunday-night deadline loomed, I panicked and just blew off writing completely.

In the light of the morning, with a clear head, I realized just how much pressure I’ve been putting on myself to post regularly every week. I’m of the mindset that consistency is key with blogging (and many other things), but sometimes it’s necessary to take a step back and evaluate why exactly you’re doing what you’re doing in the first place.

I blog to connect with friends, writers, interesting people I may never meet, to share my thoughts, and to hopefully inspire on some level. In short, blogging should not be an anxiety-ridden endeavour. My deadlines are self-imposed. The world will not stop turning if I post a few hours or, heaven forbid, a few days late. I forced myself to publish this later than I would have liked just to prove this to myself.

A wonderful writer friend of mine reminded me of the need to stress less in his latest post: http://bawbsravenfeathers.com/2013/03/04/324/.

There’s no getting around it: things need to get done. Bills need to be paid, deadlines met. So in all the chaos of daily life, where can you take the pressure off yourself? Has something you used to consider fun become a chore? Can you bring the life back into it?

Song of the week: “Speed the Collapse” – Metric

Namaste

Rachel