“The end of a melody is not its goal: but nonetheless, had the melody not reached its end it would not have reached its goal either.” – Nietzche
I absolutely love this paradox. Nietzche’s words, along with a conversation I had with an old friend recently, got me thinking about the purpose of failed relationships.
No one gets into a relationship with the end in mind. For most people the end “goal” of a relationship is a long and happy partnership. Breakups are painful. They suck. They signal an end to something significant and can often bring about drastic changes in the way you live your life.
Failed relationship = goal not reached. And inevitably, most of us will ask ourselves, “Why did this relationship fail?”
It is certainly not my intention to negate the difficulty of breakups – my friends would most certainly call me a hypocrite if I tried to! What I have come to realize, however, is that inserting “failed” before “relationship” is where the major problem lies. This little adjective can cause loads of unnecessary grief.
Whether or not a relationship failed depends on the purpose you believe that relationship has in your life. Key words: your belief.
Once over the initial shock, can you reassess the situation? Were you supposed to learn something from that person or from the breakup itself? Was the ending necessary in order for you to move forward in a different direction, one that was more positive in your life? Did you misjudge the purpose of that person walking into your life?
If you can be grateful for that time you had with that person and the lessons learned, how can you deem the relationship a failure? On the contrary, that person and that moment in time served a very real purpose in your life. Different “goals” were met.
Changing your attitude about a seemingly negative situation might not make dealing with it any easier, but it just may help you eventually gain some clarity, closure, and peace of mind – the calm within the storm.
Songs of the week:
“Colly Strings” – Manchester Orchestra
“Demons” – Imagine Dragons